…there were two Canadian girls trying to have fun
Ever had “one of those nights” where you seek some vacation fun and you just can’t find it? Who would have thought there was no fun to be found in Montego Bay?
Last year when I was living in Ocho Rios, one of my Canadian girls was flying in for a 10-day vacation and we pre-planned to spend her first night in Montego Bay and see if we could have some fun. Only, I was secretly convinced we weren’t going to stay the night so I didn’t bring anything but my swimsuit. I picked her up at the airport and we headed straight for the Pork Pit to eat and meet some of her friends. Somewhere during that time it became obvious we weren’t going back to Ocho Rios that night, because our next stop was to find a hotel room.
My friend and I roll the same way…we are good sleeping in “fair” accommodations in order to save money so we can have fun in other ways, so we opted for a place on top road Montego Bay that was obviously SO not worth remembering because neither of us can remember the name. We drove up and asked the worker on site if we can get a room for $3500 jmd ($40) and he said yes. Done deal. The only thing we can say was amazing about the place was the view of the sea from up there. For those who don’t know “top road” it’s the one that runs up behind the giant Red Stripe sign on the hillside.
The place we stayed resembles the one shown in the above picture, only about 50 times more ghetto than that. If I could remember what it was called I’m sure I could find pictures online, but you’re not missing much. It resembled an American inner-city housing project with laundry hanging everywhere and bars on every balcony which made it look ominous. I have no idea why I didn’t take one single photo this entire night but I guess I didn’t.
As the man showed us to our room we walked by a small pond on the property that had a feminine pad floating on top of dark, murky water. He then led us up a tall outdoor concrete staircase that had no side rail due to a palm tree that fell over and crushed it some time before this. They cut the palm tree out but never did fix the railings and I remember commenting that we better not attempt this climb while drunk. He led us to the door of our room and surprisingly, the room was huge! It didn’t smell great but it had two double beds, a giant ceiling fan and large double doors that opened onto a great big veranda overlooking the Caribbean sea. I guess I couldn’t complain for one night because the view alone was worth the $3500 we handed the dude. And not far below us was a wonderful swimming pool, which we opted to use the next morning, instead of bathing in the smelly bathroom.
We didn’t stay in the room very long before we decided we needed to head out and look for some “beverage” to try and begin the festivities for the evening. We were bound and determined to have some fun this night. We rolled out in my car and just drove with no real destination in mind, until we passed a HUGE crowd in some parking lot and wondered what could be in there? We heard the music so we turned a corner, found a parking spot on the road and walked towards the action. Turns out Zip FM was putting on a free concert in a random parking lot! I swear to you this was the ONLY piece of fun we found all night!
The show was being put on from the back of a semi-truck rigged with a stage. Zip DJ’s were on the scene along with a few new names in the Jamaican music industry. Khago was one of them, the rest I guess weren’t significant enough to remember. There were some breakdancing performances too. I did take some video footage of all this but just don’t know what happened to it. We really enjoyed the entertainment but were quickly annoyed by the attention we were getting, being the only white females in the joint. We hung for about an hour until my friend’s friend showed up and we walked into downtown to find box food and drinks.
Hitting the supermarket was a riot because we split up from her friend and again, were the only two aimless white girls walking around in the parts of downtown where there are heavily armed police who looked something like the picture below, only in the dark. Crossing a road here was an adventure all in itself but once we made it across alive and passed by the machine guns we found a supermarket.
After the downtown event we made our way back to the car and decided to take our box food to Dead End beach and eat. It was well after dark but we knew the place and figured it would be a nice relaxing spot to enjoy our food and some of the rum I bought. We drove down there, parked the car and sat out on the long beach wall. Almost instantly, we started to get pissed off at not only the amount of cars with rivaling stereos, but at the crappy pop and techno music that was rivaling each other. Where exactly were we? Because this wasn’t Jamaica!
Really the only action we had at the beach was a 60 year old man with one eye who thought he was my destiny. He chatted with us a long time about how he was “the one” for me. It wasn’t until my friend told the guy that my husband and kids were back at home in Ocho Rios and that my husband sleeps with a gun under his pillow LOL!! What a night. The rest of it morphed into an argument between us Canadians and a couple Jamaicans, about recycling in Jamaica, which doesn’t exist.
I think we ended up back at our slum around 11:00pm and just sat sipping drinks on the balcony for a while, waiting on phone calls that never came. I have no idea what time I passed out fully dressed, but it was fast, out of sheer lack of something else to do. I was awoke at God knows what time to some pure action in the room on the other side of the wall from us. I have no idea how my friend slept through the noise because the two on the other side of the wall were definitely in it to win! There was thumping and moaning and I was getting annoyed so I decided to head onto the balcony for a cigarette. Well wouldn’t you know it, the two next door thought it would be a great idea to continue having sex on their balcony….right beside mine! There was just no escaping.
The next morning we bathed in the swimming pool and thoroughly enjoyed having it all to ourselves. While we lounged in the water we watched someone who obviously works at the property, assembling some kind of outdoor event tent. Every time he reached above his head to fasten something his nice, shiny GUN that was sitting neatly in his pants waist would appear. Montego Bay is just not a winner for me. Never has been and I highly doubt it ever will be.
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