The Journey of a Thousand Frustrations….

….Begins with a missing road sign…

This journey is proof that what is second nature to a Jamaican is absolute chaos to a foreigner who’s never done it.  Getting to the south coast of Jamaica was easy because I took the obvious coastal route from Montego Bay, spent a night in Negril because my flight arrived late, and set out the next morning for Black River.  Only an idiot could get lost on the coastal route (I hope I didn’t just call any of you idiots!!)

After spending 5 days on the south coast I took the advice of a Jamaican and attempted a shorter route through the hills of Westmoreland, which ended up getting me the most lost I’ve ever been on that island!  Long after this trek I looked at a map of where I’d been and it seems obvious enough from a birds eye view but when you’re on the ground and you never see the same sign twice it’s not at all simple. 

The Moving Map of my Lost-ness

***Here is the moving Animap version of my first 4.5 hour gong show attempt, and my second much more successful 2.5 hour attempt a week later. Watching it is pretty funny. Then you can watch the actual video below!***

Back to the story….

From Black River I went through Whitehouse and Bluefields and was supposed to watch for a sign that said Ferris Cross.  Due to road construction that sign was missing but my police friend advised me on the phone which gas station to watch for and turn at.  I made the turn and saw a Ferris Cross sign and a Montego Bay sign shortly after.  Perfect; I was on the right track…..until I never saw another sign for Montego Bay…..ever…until I was 32 KM away from it.  Compared to this blog post with signage overkill to a place that’s not even a tourist attraction, I couldn’t believe the lack of signage to a major place like Montego Bay!

I don’t know how I went wrong at a no-sign-fork-in-the-road but I went left instead of right and ended up in Savanna La Mar during rush hour.  I found myself driving right into the busy center of town and completely disoriented.  I stopped and asked a vendor how to get out of there and he said to turn around, go back and turn somewhere at a KFC and keep going on the one-way road.  I did that and ended up out of town and in a country place called Amity.  Immediately I thought of Amityville Horror movie.

I drove about 20 minutes on a country road without seeing a single directional sign so I stopped and asked a man riding a bicycle.  He said to go back to Savanna La Mar and turn down “hospital road”  like I’m supposed to know where the hospital is.  As luck would have it there was actually a sign for the hospital!  I turned and kept driving until again, I found myself on some desolate country roads with nowhere to stop and ask.  I kept driving hopeful that I’d eventually see a sign but nothing.  I FINALLY came upon a lone man with a backpack walking on the road.  I pulled over, rolled down my window looking exasperated and asked him, “Where the hell am I and how do I get out?  I’m looking for Montego Bay”.  He smiled and giggled a little (he was cute!) and told me to turn back, go right at a gas station and keep going.  He explicitly said, “After that….NO MORE TURNS!”

I thanked him profusely and he wished me “safe travelin’ Miss”, and I was on my way….AGAIN.  What’s funny about turning back and going where he told me is that I came upon that exact same no-sign-fork-in-the-road like I just drove in a big, 1.5 hour circle.  This time I veered right instead of left and lo and behold….there was soon a sign that indicated Montego Bay!

By this time I was completely stressed out and had already done a lot of ridiculous praying.  I even said out loud to myself in the car, “God this isn’t funny anymore”.  The time was very late afternoon and I did not want to be stuck somewhere unfamiliar as dusk and dark settled in.

The video below shows parts of my drive from the point where I knew I was on the right track. It also shows me running over a ferret or something LOL!!  Once I actually hit Montego Bay the world lifted off my shoulders and I motored through it and sped down the fabulous highway towards Ocho Rios and my second home in Steer town.